REAL-ationship Reel

Holy smokes, I've got the jitters.  I am on day nine of a very nasty, terrible cold and I stopped drinking coffee and alcohol cold turkey so that I could protect my clearly weak immune system.  That is until I had a strong latte this morning after a long night of no sleep with my sweet little child.  Now I'm pumped up and ready to buzz around... except I have nowhere to go.  I'm also sweating... not so sure I've missed you, coffee.

I've decided to write a weekly piece about relationships.  I am no expert, at all, really.  But I took enough psychology classes in college to make it my major and I'm going back for my masters degree this fall for couples and family therapy, so maybe I'm "in training" to become an expert?  Man,  I hope I can call myself an expert some day.  Either way, I find relationship troubles fascinating and also find that I can't help myself when it comes to advice.  The words start pouring out of my mouth and imaginary little glasses appear on my nose and meditation rocks are sitting next to my antique thinking chair on a side table that also hold a box of tissues (it's like a combo of my favorite parts of all of my therapist's offices).  I flip on my therapist switch and it feels so good.  Again, I have no idea what I'm talking about, really, but I've had enough of my own relationship troubles and a few life experiences to know a little about a little.  I'd also love to hear what other people think... call it "taking real life notes" from the crowd.  So please, let me know what you think... I did!

Carrie and Ken

The Scoop:  Carrie and Ken have only been married for a year.  Carrie called me the other day to let me know that she feels like something is missing in her relationship with her husband... she doesn't even want to kiss him.  They spend almost all of their time together because they both work from home.  The very last thing Carrie wants at the end of the day - a day where she woke up next to Ken, ate breakfast with Ken, brushed her teeth with Ken and then worked next to Ken, only to get into bed next to him again at the end of it - is to have him literally all over her.  Their physical intimacy is gone.  She loves him and feels important to him.  She's not mad at him.  It's just that they are overexposed and she doesn't have that excitement that she once used to.

What I Told Her:  Physical intimacy doesn't have to only be sex.  It can come as a back massage or holding hands at random times during the day. Sometimes going away for a weekend by yourself to get a break (and yes, I think a small break is a-ok) so that you start to miss the other person a little can create excitement.  I also told her to build up a little tension once in a while by sending a dirty text, even though he's just at his computer in the other room - make it playful.  Getting out of the house alone to do something fun... a date... can help to make the relationship feel special again.  When a woman is mad, she pulls away and doesn't want to "get close" to her man, while most men need that physical connection to reassure them that everything is ok.  It's like nature's little way of forcing us to get everything out in the open... or stay miserable and lonely in a relationship.  Carrie and Ken are in a funk... and I think they should mix it up a little to get things back on track.

Real experts say that passion in a relationship lasts about six months... and in rare cases up to two years.  Just like everything else in a relationship, passion takes work, creativity, communication, and a little compromise.  First things first, talk about it with your hubby, Carrie... let him know how you are feeling and come up with a plan for passion.  I hope it works!