Potty Talk

I can only remember peeing my pants once.  Though I'm sure it happened multiple times as a toddler transitioning out of diapers, the only time I remember was when I was eight years old.  I was at my best friend Gena's house for the first time and we were walking down her street pushing dolls in strollers.  I can't remember what let the warmth take over my jeans and then turn to cold, but it happened and I was mortified.  I immediately tried to locate a small puddle to "fall" in so that I could wash away the urine with road water and nobody would know what had happened.  I think I found a small circle of water in the road, and sat down in it, but Gena's mom still knew what had happened.  She lovingly changed my clothes and didn't mention it at all. 

Potty training is gross.  It really is.  There's so much discussion about pee-pee and poo-poo and pull-ups, diapers, big boy underwear and wearing nothing but pants.  There's a plethora of choices, and so many suggestions and methods for kicking the Pampers.  Everything I've read says not to push them (especially boys) if they're not ready, so I keep giving in to whatever mood he's in regarding what to wear under his pants.  We're on week three or four of consistently going pee in the potty, and number two only a few times.  We still need a pull-up for that.  He has tried standing to pee, which is very messy.  He sits and then says he needs to wipe, which is hard to explain why he doesn't need to and that only girls do - but in reality, there's sort of pee all over, so maybe wiping when he's done would be helpful?  He wants to do it by himself, so sometimes, he concentrates so hard that his shirt falls into the stream and he stands up so proud of the pool in the potty with a huge wet circle across his belly. There's urine all over my bathroom and thank goodness I didn't invest in a fancy bath mat - it's sort of become his drip mat.

We've only had one accident, and he peed all over my couch.  That was a neat clean up process.

When did privacy, shame, embarrassment and bodily function independence come into play?  After Bay peed on our couch, he was devastated.  I told him it was fine, changed him, gave him a smooch and told him to try to go to the potty next time, and then we turned on some music and started stripping the cushions.  He cried and apologized, and then he refused to wear anything but a diaper for the next day or so for fear that he'd lose control again.  He was embarrassed. My innocent little sweet baby was embarrassed. 

Now he's telling me to leave and shut the door when he goes potty.  He asks for a napkin to wipe his face if a crumb lingers.  He asks me if his clothes "look cool."  A baby he is not... an aware member of society he is becoming.  He cares what people think... only a little, but still.  I knew it was only a matter of time, but it just happens so quickly.  I wish I could protect him from ever being embarrassed and shield him from shame (maybe shame is alright...).  I want him to remember to be himself and to own up to his decisions and that deviating from the "norm" is a-ok with me if it's what works for him.  I'd never given all of it much thought until I saw the devastation in his face after he turned my couch into a urinal. It was like he was hunting for that puddle to sit down in - to blame it on something else.

So many transitions.  I told him he can sleep in a big boy bed when he doesn't need diapers anymore - but really I'm just stalling on the big boy bed because I don't want him standing at my pillow at 5am to say "good morning."  I'll probably just get on amazon right now and buy a book about that too.  But then what if he starts wetting the bed?  Geez.  After potty training and big boy beds, am I done with big changes?  What comes next?  Right when I think I'm caught up, something else changes and I'm scrambling to adjust.  I guess this is called parenthood. 

Ok gotta run... I have to pee.