My Bay-be

My baby is now a kid.  A boy.  I don't know how it happened, or when, but he's big and smart and amazing me every day.  Singing in the car, operating a laptop or an ATV, helping me put groceries in the cart, or requesting a napkin for his lap - he's big.

Why does it feel so scary to watch them grow up?  Movie after book after mother weeping at her child's wedding - I now understand the upset of raising a child and having them leave.  I know I'm a little ahead of myself here... he's only 2 and a half... but I'm seeing his passions, his sense of humor and his obsession with "getting bigger." 

He told me yesterday that he had finished all of his dinner so that he could grow bigger and be big like me.  He also told me that he would have hair in his armpits some day and then I got grossed out.  I don't want him to have hair anywhere but his head.

I'm so lucky to have a healthy, beautiful, growing child, I know.  I'm in amazement that I could create something so wonderful.

I started thinking about day-to-day life as a mom.  I am lucky to be able to work less than 20 hours per week and stay at home with him during the day.  The question often comes up - so you stay at home with him - what do you do all day? 

I remember when I worked for the real estate developer.  Every day was busy... emails, facebooking, conference calls, spreadsheets, meetings - the work never ended and I felt this sense of pressure and stress to complete all of my tasks.  It's the same with being at home.  I feel stress and pressure to make sure the toys are away, to make sure lunch is at 12:15 and that my laundry is done and put away.  Nobody comes over every day... it's not like I host gatherings or guests from out of town.  There really isn't a reason to vacuum at 5pm every other day, other than to make sure it looks clean and that I have done my jobs.  It gives me a sense of importance and structure.  It's the same way while I nanny.  Sure, I'm playing with play doh and blocks, but it's important to be engaged with the babes while they play and to make up fun stories about elephants who can fly.  It may not be the same as making million dollar decisions on which finishes will look best in a high end condo unit, but it's my new job and it's important.

We're watching Finding Nemo (for the hundredth time) because it's 6:30am... the beginning of my 14 hour work day.  Baylor has started making himself the main character of any movie or show we watch, "look, mom, I'm swimming away from the whale."  His imagination, sincerity in his beliefs and need to tell me which characters are good and bad remind me that he is changing and maturing every day.  The mess is worth it... the sleepless nights are fine... only buying sencond hand clothes - who cares?  It's a pretty fun gig, and it isn't going to be here forever.

I remember holding his whole body on my lap - even stretched out he didn't fill the space.  Now he's almost too heavy for me to hold, but I don't ever want to put him down.