Hey Step-Mama

My friend Lauren lives in Alaska.  I met her at PLU and was immediately attracted to her confidence, witty sense of humor and ability to "keep up" with the conversation.  She is on the board of Planned Parenthood and after losing touch with her after college, she informed me last year that she would be in Seattle for a board meeting.  Baylor was just a young pup and we blabbed over eggplant parmesan about all of the things that had happened over the previous 5 years. 

Lauren had married a man with two daughters and had become their stepmother, or "anya" as they call her.  They have joint custody with the girls' mother and as the oldest is 14, all three parents are in constant communication about rules, expectations, and what to expect. 

Lauren was in town this weekend and we met up twice because the first coffee date just wasn't enough time to cover everything.   I have thought of her since the last time she was in town.  I remembered her positive experience with co-parenting as a step-parent.  She has a wonderful relationship with her husband's ex-wife.  In fact, Lauren told me that because she is the better planner, she is the one to make all of the schedule plans and adjustments with the girls' mom.  Sometimes, she will even babysit their half-brother if their mom is in a pinch.  She told me about the way she moved into their home and was just a friend, only enforcing the rules that already existed until she felt she had enough say to make up and enforce rules of her own.  They had a special ceremony during their wedding which included Lauren's union to the girls as well as to their father.  She told me all of this with such love in her voice and pride in the way she discussed her incredible parenting style. 

I know that people have children, split, and then remarry and continue to reproduce. I've just never thought about how much work it would be... or why anyone would want to jump into a relationship and want to be an immediate parent to a child that isn't biologically theirs, dealing with ex-spouses and parenting plans.  So I asked Lauren.  I asked her why she does all of this, and if she likes it.  She simply responded, "because I love them."

She told me that putting the girls first and making rules based on love have been two keys to maintaining a harmonious relationship with all parties.  It was all just so evolved and seemingly easy - which is so Lauren, having everything under control - but it still made me so happy to see a modern day, co-parenting family full of such positivity and love.

Her biggest fear?  Hearing "I hate you" from their teenager... and maybe talking about sex.  Lauren, I hope to find someone as accepting, patient and amazing as you to complete my family some day.  Cheers to step-parents!